pictorial of the last few weeks in málaga

Writing a long post is entirely beyond my capabilities right now. 

So instead, I thought I would just post a few photos. 

Easier for me. Easier for you. 

Also, if a picture is worth a thousand words, I’ve essentially just written 3,000+ words.

Enjoy.

One of the most important aspects of living abroad is cultural exchange. 

Here, we teach the Swedes and Brits about the wonders of Jagerbombs.

Of course, we included a certain Youtube video and a lecture on guidos and how they should be avoided at all costs.

We realize that normal people pay to get into VIP. 

But if you are an average person, why would you be sitting in VIP?

And we DEFINITELY do not pay for the champagne.

Despite being unbelieeeeeevably environmentally conscious, 

Spain seems to drape all of its streets in these lights, or ones similar. 

The luz count for Málaga is upwards of 1 million, 

making it the 2nd most beautiful light display, behind Barcelona. 

Obviously, they don't subscribe to the Ricky Bobby mantra of "If you ain't first, you're last". 

Next year, spring for 2 million. 

no remembero eleven

I won't lie to you and say my Spanish is amazing. Or even decent. 

And, sometimes, its downright indecipherable. 

But I do know that eleven is "once" in español.

¡una celebración!

Well, successfully called Naranja (or is it Anaranjado?) 

and worked out the phone issues. 

And now, I give to you: Juan Magan. 

(Also the genius behind María, María)

no recuerdo mi codigo... PUK you.

Sometimes I get confused about how things that are convenient for me would entail inconveniencing others. POR EJEMPLO: Last night, I made the small mistake of turning off my mobile. This was not due to the vodka or the many, many, many chupitos de algos deliciosos (shots of something delicious) that I had. Simply, I lack basic motor skills that I need to function. No pasa nada. 

Anyways, I forgot my PIN to turn my phone on. And decided that what I was guessing was correct. So re-entering it, several times, would convince my phone that it was wrong and I was right. Well I learned that humans < machines when my phone said it was going to stop working and is now blocked. 

Back to my point: 

In order to fix this problem, I need to call my cell phone service provider Orange. 

In order to call my cell phone service provider, I need to use their website. 

In order to use their website, I need to be able to speak Spanish. 

Can’t they have their website in English so that this ONE chica americana can use her phone and maybe text the cute British guy from last night?

blog fail

SORRY FRIENDS, I DIDN’T REALIZE MY BLOG WAS THE SOLE REASON YOU WOKE UP IN THE MORNING. More accurately, I was unaware that anyone read this/my friends were capable of reading. Congrats! Looks like I'll be sin trabajo when I come home.

Anyways, other than my apartment turning into a virtual hostel (we keep saying brothel, and then realize that has negative and sadly inaccurate connotations) with all these damn visitors, I don’t think I have done anything particularly exciting. 

We did have Thanksgiving and it was surprisingly successful. I didn’t realize how stressful it was to prepare it and I was given the most menial tasks (most certainly for the best. Cutting carrots/onions/peppers? Lo puedo.) to do. Plus, we - correctly - thought that the only way to relax was to drink bottles of vino. Mom, Grandma, how did you do it without copious amounts of booze? Or are you hiding something from me?

Right now, we are having a small URI reunion. Frazer and Brett are on their last leg of their European journey - ask me about it, I could quote it verbatim - and have come to check out the sights in Málaga. Five minutes later, when they finished sightseeing, we started drinking. Next, LC came down from Torre del Mar. Then Greg sin luggage (fly British Airways!) arrived. True/false: a small RHODY RHODY RHODY RAMS RAMS RAMS chant broke out in the shots bar? I guess its true- soon we will be Rhode Island dead. 

Sorry, this is all over the place. That’s what you get when I try to write and all I want is kebap and a siesta after just waking up. But I just couldn’t stand disappointing my faithful followers any longer. And, hey, don’t drink the Kool-Aid. 

“A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.” – Tim Cahill

Last weekend, I went to Torre Del Mar and spent a weekend in the countryside at Toren and LC’s. In actuality, its a decent sized town, with a lot of nightlife. But I still consider it the country because I was able to fall asleep/wake up and not have the sounds of the barrio outside. Plus, I am sure that the overall crime rate is lower than that of Málaga, if we judge this entirely by whether or not I am scared of being jumped. (haha jk lolz mom)

It really was pretty relaxing to be out of the city, though. I spent the weekend being kind enough to allow Toren and LC to cook for me which was a terrific life decision. I’m considering spending some of my stipend paying for them to be my personal chefs. On Saturday, Chrystin emerged from her cave and came to play at the Velez-Málaga fería with us. 

Ferías need to be instituted in America. I experienced many firsts, such as drinking out of a wine bag. Now, even though I think the last time these were regularly used was in the 19th century, I can’t believe that I have gone 22 years without owning one (that’s right, para gratis). It’s like a flask, but medieval. Awesome. 

Plus, LC and Toren’s friend (haaaaaa) gave us the VIP tour of Velez-Málaga. It included a free visit to a half church/half Semana Santa Museum. The Semana Santa memorabilia was pretty insane... also, I need to Google ASAP to determine the connection between KKK and Semana Santa in Spain. I realize that pointy hats have a religious connotation here, but to see this...

...is a little unnerving. 

Also, I love that Spain thinks that fire hazards are, overall, less of an issue. I mean, why haven't people in America begun to drink vodka and then breathe fire during carnivals in America? 

More Teaching Fails

Today, I came home from school and my roommate (the slacker doesn’t work Wednesdays and Fridays... even for Spain, that’s bad) asked me how my day was. I thought really hard and said, “Wow, I don’t think I accidentally taught the niños anything bad today.” So I figured that would make for an interesting post. 

1. “Death threats” - We had a Halloween parade of sorts in class, which essentially entailed me standing in front of the class, the profesor taking a picture of whoever, and then the student had to say something to me, as I was judging this costume contest charade. Sure, the first couple kids stuck to the standard “Boo,” but then I guess the level of English improved and thus, it began to get interesting. 

First, a witch told me that she would cast a spell on me if I didn’t choose her as best costume. Yeah, whatever, I don’t think you’re the next Hermione Granger, chica, I’m gonna sleep pretty easy tonight. Then, the kid with the needle (I mean, it was a HUGE syringe. I thought Spain had a cocaine problem, not whatever you shoot up- maybe heroin? I need to watch more Intervention) told me that he would kill me. Okay, I mean, I was excited about my time in Spain, but then what was I going to do, anyway? No pasa nada, hombre. Finally, the girl that was in a lab coat and covered with (I hope) fake blood told me that she would kill everyone in the class if I didn’t pick her as the costume contest winner. 

What’s a girl supposed to do? I told them, “Well, due to the ‘death threats’ I’ve been receiving...” At which point, I had to stop and tell the class what death threats meant. I even wrote it on the board. 

And just so you know, I told them that because of the death threats, it was a tie between everyone in the class. I couldn’t have all that blood on MY hands, Halloween or no. 

2. “Nipples & Bellybuttons” - Yup, I had to say nipples in front of the class. That was awkward. This I would totally blame on my S. Korean comrade, Ray, because I had them drawing monsters and then describing them to me. And, of course, what’s funnier to a class of 15 year olds than a monster with 3 nipples and a huge bellybutton? Uh, nothing. And since they didn’t even know the words for arms or legs, of course I had to define nipples to the class. Teaching fail. 

3. “Fishnets” - I also taught the kids what fishnets were. I didn’t think that was that big of a deal though, its not like I told them they looked like something you would wear if you were standing on a street corner. Or, anywhere indoors in the state of Rhode Island. 

I guess the common denominator in all this is that Halloween has lots of palabras malas. And even though, at the moment, Halloween is celebrated with scary costumes, very soon there will be witches in fishnets and dressed like sorostitutes. Ah, the Americanization of Spain. 

(In other news, I am supposed to be paid on the first of every month. Unfortunately, the principal had a toothache and the secretary has to come in AT SOME POINT with her note from the doctor saying how sick she is. Until then, mi cuenta de Unicaja esta vacia. Translation = I am poor.)

brujas y fantasmas

So I just celebrated my first Halloween in Spain- and apparently one of their first as well. The way that they view Halloween is that it is supposed to be as scary as possible. Thus, the mutilated babies hanging in a spiderweb. Also, the chicas here don’t dress as slutty nurses/mailmen/whatever... they also try to dress really creepy. So the streets of Málaga were a little scary last night, and not just ‘cause of los gitanos. 

But let’s be serious- the reason why Spaniards are trying to hop on the Halloween bandwagon is because they are just always down to rage. And rage they do.... below is the aftermath of a serious botellon sesh (essentially, buy a bottle of vodka. Buy a bottle of Fanta. Drink in public) in the Plaza de la Merced. ¡ay dios mio!