More Teaching Fails

Today, I came home from school and my roommate (the slacker doesn’t work Wednesdays and Fridays... even for Spain, that’s bad) asked me how my day was. I thought really hard and said, “Wow, I don’t think I accidentally taught the niños anything bad today.” So I figured that would make for an interesting post. 

1. “Death threats” - We had a Halloween parade of sorts in class, which essentially entailed me standing in front of the class, the profesor taking a picture of whoever, and then the student had to say something to me, as I was judging this costume contest charade. Sure, the first couple kids stuck to the standard “Boo,” but then I guess the level of English improved and thus, it began to get interesting. 

First, a witch told me that she would cast a spell on me if I didn’t choose her as best costume. Yeah, whatever, I don’t think you’re the next Hermione Granger, chica, I’m gonna sleep pretty easy tonight. Then, the kid with the needle (I mean, it was a HUGE syringe. I thought Spain had a cocaine problem, not whatever you shoot up- maybe heroin? I need to watch more Intervention) told me that he would kill me. Okay, I mean, I was excited about my time in Spain, but then what was I going to do, anyway? No pasa nada, hombre. Finally, the girl that was in a lab coat and covered with (I hope) fake blood told me that she would kill everyone in the class if I didn’t pick her as the costume contest winner. 

What’s a girl supposed to do? I told them, “Well, due to the ‘death threats’ I’ve been receiving...” At which point, I had to stop and tell the class what death threats meant. I even wrote it on the board. 

And just so you know, I told them that because of the death threats, it was a tie between everyone in the class. I couldn’t have all that blood on MY hands, Halloween or no. 

2. “Nipples & Bellybuttons” - Yup, I had to say nipples in front of the class. That was awkward. This I would totally blame on my S. Korean comrade, Ray, because I had them drawing monsters and then describing them to me. And, of course, what’s funnier to a class of 15 year olds than a monster with 3 nipples and a huge bellybutton? Uh, nothing. And since they didn’t even know the words for arms or legs, of course I had to define nipples to the class. Teaching fail. 

3. “Fishnets” - I also taught the kids what fishnets were. I didn’t think that was that big of a deal though, its not like I told them they looked like something you would wear if you were standing on a street corner. Or, anywhere indoors in the state of Rhode Island. 

I guess the common denominator in all this is that Halloween has lots of palabras malas. And even though, at the moment, Halloween is celebrated with scary costumes, very soon there will be witches in fishnets and dressed like sorostitutes. Ah, the Americanization of Spain. 

(In other news, I am supposed to be paid on the first of every month. Unfortunately, the principal had a toothache and the secretary has to come in AT SOME POINT with her note from the doctor saying how sick she is. Until then, mi cuenta de Unicaja esta vacia. Translation = I am poor.)